


Thirsty

by missdibley



Series: The Red Nose Diaries [77]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Bickering, Conversation, Dialogue, Drabble, Existing Relationship, F/M, Flirting, Foreplay, Packing, birting, bolognese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 01:55:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13284471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missdibley/pseuds/missdibley
Summary: Carmen is petty. In other news, water is wet.





	Thirsty

**Author's Note:**

> I love her. I know you guys love her. But every once in a while I have to remind myself that Carmen is far from perfect. And despite that, or perhaps because of that, Tom loves her.

“Baby, do you want some of this bolognese?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Here.”

“Mmm.”

“Dammit, the spoon dripped sauce on the floor.”

“Three… two…”

“Good boy, Bobby!”

“Puppies love bolognese.”

“Bobby, come here. Let papa pack.”

“Thanks, Button.”

“No sweat.”

“Car, this blue tie or this… blue tie?”

“The blue tie.”

"You didn’t even look!”

“Sorry.”

“What are you doing on your phone?”

“Recipes on Tumblr.”

“Liar.”

“Okay, so maybe I’m hate reading tweets.”

“To what purpose?”

“I find that getting myself worked up is conducive to shenanigans later.”

“Shenanigans by which you mean later when we…?”

“Later when we fuck.”

“Who was it who said romance was dead?”

“Whatever, dude, it’s a long plane ride to LA. You’re gonna need something extra special to hold you.”

“You think of everything.”

“I like to be prepared.”

“So what are you reading.”

“Tweets from your so-called mystery brunette.”

“Carmen.”

“It has been a year and she’s still tweeting about it.”

“It’s been that long?”

"Taffy’s kind of an asshole.”

“I know.”

“You agree?”

“No, I know you think she’s an asshole because you tell me so at least once a month."

"Is it really that often?"

“Yep.”

"Sorry.”

"Why?”

"Isn’t she your friend or whatever?"

“She’s a journalist.”

“You invited her over. You made her bolognese.”

“Yes.”

“You went to her hotel at six in the morning…”

“Yes.”

“I just don’t like what she wrote about you.”

“I know, love.”

“Well, as long as you know.”

“Question for you, Button.”

“Lay it on me, Cambridge.”

“Have we had her to dinner?”

“No.”

“Have we sent her a Christmas card?”

“Nuh uh.”

“Button, what’s the problem?”

“She’s so thirsty she could drain the Pacific Ocean.”

“Jealousy, Carmen!”

“Shuddup.”

“Oh my darling.”

“Don’t you call me darling, you call everybody that.”

“My little turtledove, then.”

“We’ll work on it.”

“My lovely poodle?”

“Maybe darling wasn’t so bad after all.”

“So when you say she’s thirsty…”

“Dude, she wants more than just your damn bolognese.”

“I don’t think she…”

“She could suck the water out of a glacier.”

“Let her have the glacier, love.”

“Aw, baby.”

“I don’t want anyone sucking me but you.”

“Ass!”

“You love it.”

“Get off me! Bobby, bite papa!”

“You know Bobby. Once he starts licking himself like that, he can’t be stopped.”

“Like father, like son.”

“Minx!”

“You best put that bowl down, madame, lest you want me to eat the bolognese off your tits.”

“Well maybe I do.”

“It is just lukewarm.”

“And these are machine washable sheets.”

“Okay, Carmen, I’m in.”

“Perfect.”

“Good. Now take off your clothes.”

“Tom, just know this.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you. And I don’t worry about you with anybody, least of all her.”

“Oh?”

“But if you have to make a fool of yourself with a journalist, can it at least be Jenelle?”

“Carmen!”

“So that’s a no?”

“What makes you think I haven’t already made a fool of myself with her already?”

“Have you?”

“No, I have not.”

“Oh.”

“Miss Piggy, on the other hand…”

“I KNEW IT.”

**Author's Note:**

> Great. Now I want spaghetti.


End file.
